By Olyvea and Ethan
Olyvea Pancerella and Ethan Faulkes answer questions on homeschooling, dating, and life in general. Olyvea says, “One of the most unique things we can contribute is male and female perspectives on questions and ideas.” Send them your questions at polyvea@gmail.com.
——————————
Question #1
Hi Olyvea and Ethan,
There’s this boy that talks to me very often. He is my brother’s best friend. When I am around him everything is awkward. He will try to sit as close to me as possible and say awkward things. Awkward things as in, “you are very seductive looking.” He doesn’t think before he speaks and then he blushes and begs for my forgiveness. It kinda scares me. I don’t really like him, but I think he likes me. It kinda creeps me out. What should I do?
-Anonymous
Olyvea,
Hey, in my opinion it sounds like you are right. He is saying these things because he likes you. The problem is that it’s inappropriate. He doesn’t have a right to make you feel uncomfortable. What he is doing is wrong. Nobody has a right to creep you out or make you feel scared. That is a form of bullying and it is not OK. I would suggest talking to your brother and asking him to either tell this guy to stop or stop bringing him around. If that doesn’t work go to your parents and ask them not to let this guy around anymore. Don’t feel shy about it. This is not your fault and you shouldn’t have to be around someone that makes you feel like that. I’m sure your parents wouldn’t want him around if he’s being creepy.
Ethan,
That is some guys’ way of picking up girls. This is his horrible, convoluted plan to get a date. I don’t know why some guys think it works or think it’s OK because it’s not OK. He is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. That also happens to be the exact definition of insanity. I think he definitely knows it’s inappropriate and he knows it makes you uncomfortable. That’s why he says sorry. He definitely thinks about what he’s saying. As a matter of fact I’d say it’s probably very contrived. Because it’s your brother’s friend I’d say it’s best to get him on your side in the matter. Ideally your brother should take care of it. I think if you tell your brother he’s scaring you, your brother will make an effort to keep him away from you, at the very least.
——————————
Question #2
Hello, Olyvea and Ethan
I met this girl several months ago and I liked her at first. We hung out a few times, but never officially started dating. I was starting to really like her, but then she started getting really possessive and jealous. She’s always calling me and wanting to know where I am, and if I don’t text back right away because I’m eating dinner or something she gets really mad. She hates it when I hang out with my other friends and only ever wants me to hang out with her. I’m starting to not like her even as a friend, and everyday this goes on I like her less and less. I feel bad because I led her on at first because I thought I liked her. What should I do?
-Alex
Olyvea,
Well, I’ll leave this question more to Ethan, but I’ll throw in my two cents. Girls, especially teenage girls, have a tendency to feel put aside when it comes to guys and their friends. Some girls handle this better than others. She is determined not to be one of those girls always put on the back burner. If I had to guess she either had a bad experience with a guy before you or she’s heard a lot of horror stories from her friends about being shoved aside. With that said you guys aren’t even dating so she’s certainly dealing with it badly, but maybe that explanation will help you understand her a little better.
Ethan,
I don’t understand girls so I will not even attempt to tell you why she’s doing this. I can say I empathize with you. It’s very annoying when girls are like that. There are a few ways you could go with this. You could ignore her calls and texts until she gets the hint, you could say something like “I like you, but I need guy time too. Just like you need girl time.” or you could say it a little more bluntly like “I need some space.” To decide which tactic to use try to think about whether you would like to fix this problem and have a relationship with this girl. If you want to have a relationship you have to say something and communicate. If you don’t and you just want her gone you could use either method.
——————————
Question #3
Hi,
So, there’s this guy I know. We are both 13 and I know him from youth group. He’s nice sometimes, but he can also really annoy me. He is always tapping on my shoulder and then pretending it wasn’t him and he teases me a lot. It’s not exactly mean, but it is annoying. My friends say he just likes me, and for a while I thought they might be right, but then last week I was sitting in front of him and he drew on the back of my favorite shirt with a pen. Now I think he must not like me at all because if he did why would he ruin my clothes? I’m not sure what to do to get him to stop. I don’t want to be mean, but what he’s doing isn’t right.
Thanks, A.J
Olyvea,
Hi, A.J. I think your friends are probably right. He probably does like you. It sounds like he is just very, very immature. Drawing on your clothes is rude and I would not sit in front of him again. If the teasing bothers you I would tell him casually when he does that you think it’s mean. Say something like “Wow, that’s really mean.” Hopefully he’ll lay off if he knows you really don’t think it’s funny or cute.
Ethan,
I agree, I’m almost positive he likes you. Guys think when they do stuff like that you’ll giggle and think they are cool. It’s immature and goofy. He just wants your attention. If you ignore him he should get bored and leave you alone.
I think the bottom line with all these questions is this: Flirting and the beginning of relationships can be hard. Especially as teenagers because we don’t really know what we are doing, but remember that nobody had a right to make you feel uncomfortable. That being said, try your best not to make anyone else feel uncomfortable.
Until next time,
Olyvea and Ethan
——————————
Olyvea Pancerella and Ethan Faulkes are both 16 and both going into 11th grade. Olyvea has been homeschooled since first grade and Ethan has been homeschooled since third grade. Email any questions to: polyvea@gmail.com